Manners are an Autofix to the Disconnection. Part (2/2)

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BismilLah

As sorted previously, that manners are an Autofix, but they are so for what?

Recap part 1:

“By consistency, by habit, by setting them on autopilot, Manners shoot for their aim, the Inner Change. The bigger change. The conscious acknowledgements. The thoughtful greetings. The mindful applause and the heartfelt Thankyous.”

But it’s not just about the mindful presence in the moment. What is to be added here is that, Manners are an autofix for the Disconnection, the cut-off. What does that mean and how?

Let’s see. While one displays a mannerly behavior, it’s their chosen Response to the situation they are facing, and the interaction they are making… in probably a universally/socially/culturally acceptable way.
This not only earns them mindfulness but also an instant Connection with whom/what they interacted.

Means that, what manners fix, is the “link” of Inside to the Outside, because displaying manners is displaying thoughtfulness.
It’s about “placing the Value” outside of one’s own entity and centering the “Urge to connect appropriately” in any situation.

Therefore, Manners = Valuing (someone/something)= making/wanting a genuine Connection

From simpler level to more sophisticated manners taught by any culture, ethnicity, religion or whatsoever, they all have their part in teaching us how to Value the Creator of everything.

At some point of day, possibly everyone of us exercises at least one such Manner (specific or otherwise) that is an attempt and an Urge to Connect to the Creator.
Be it intentional or not;
-an asking, a prayer
-a word of gratitude
-a marvel/reflection on the Creation
-an act of worship of any kind in a particular way or not even in a particular way and so on.

Such Manners, therefore, exhibit that we are Valuing that Connection that is already there, whether acknowledged consciously by all or not.

Not only, in that moment, such Connection is brought to consciousness but it manifests itself, loudly or quietly, bringing about an amount of sense of Belonging.

That’s what Manners do.

The room is open for imagining what follows from this point.

Another inference, and the most important one, can be; ” the more mannerly one is toward someone/someting, the More Value they place in that someone/something. And vice versa”

There’s this famous Urdu saying by a Sufi Saint;
“Ba Adab Baa Naseeb; Bay Adab Bay Naseeb”
That translates as; “Whoever has manners has (good) Fate; Whoever has no Manners, has no fate at all”.

And lastly, what triggered the idea of this whole discussion was this verse from Holy Quran;

“And they have not appraised Allah, as was the right of appraisal”. QURAN 39:67

Blessings.

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Manners are an Autofix. (Part 1/2)

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In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious!

Sometimes, when our heart forgets to be respectful/love-filled/genuinely gratified toward a “source of joy”, -i.e., people or things (tangible or non tangible) – because the heart is so consumed in the joy of receiving… Our manners make up for the lack.

We often overlook the source of joy because of – – – the Joy itself!

Source of a lending hand is overlooked because – – – the “loan “!

Source of a mending love is overlooked because – – – the Mend!

Source of an inspo retouch is overlooked because – – – the inspiration!

Source of a moving perspective shift is overlooked because – – -the movement/advancement!

Source of nourishment is overlooked because – – – *obvious*!
And so on.

To be precise, taking the Sources of joy for granted can make one’s heart cut off totally.

Manners make up for it! Not only on the outside but on the inside as well.

On the outside, being mannerly doesn’t cut us off totally, even if we are not “present emotionally”.

In the meanwhile, the cultivation of manners starts impacting, firstly, a tiny bit on the inside of our conscience. Like, . . someone gently pinching our chin for a turn to look in the direction of the Source. Or have a feeble sense, at least, of the presence of that source.

GROWTH:

Also, there is this subtle fact present, that the outwardly facet of manners might be visible in quantifiable (not numerical always) amounts. Like, “x” number of good habits exercised. Or “x” no. of acknowledgements expressed per day. Greeted/not greeted. Responded well, yes/no etc.

But there remains, on the inside, a fair chance of big growth, always. Even in leaps. Quantum growth. From minimum to max in a step! …… Iffff the MANNERS are repeatedly exercised!

Memorized. Practiced. Replenished by consistency.

By outward consistency, manners start making up for the absence of conscious act. They not only pinch the chin… they grab us by shoulders and start turning us fully IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SOURCE.

By consistency, by habit, by setting them on autopilot, Manners shoot for their aim, the Inner Change. The bigger change. The conscious acknowledgements. The thoughtful greetings. The mindful applause and the heartfelt Thankyous.

(..to be continued.)

The Law of Responsibility

Hi all, i am back from a long break. A break unexpected but carrying some unbearably beautiful experiences. Life is a struggle within our own frame, isn’t it. And “comparison” is no way, for miles, in the need-radius. We head forward at our own pace and utilize what is within reach, to turn our lives meaningful and worth offering. Annexing here something i wrote before the break started but couldn’t finish it back then. Feel free to spare some time if you may..! It is about the daily tussel with the responsibilities we are assigned with, in the life.

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Ever wondered what it would feel like actually to start enjoying your responsibilities and routines? The boring stuff, the detaining bars that never let you reach out to the stars. The shackles that withold you from the flight of freedom. The permanent or recurrent pull of the anchor of duties that never lets you sail free?
How can one like such thing, let alone Enjoy?! We have a Passion, a Hobby, a Dream that is unachievable in presence of these bitter bits of life.

Imagine what if one day, suddenly, one wakes up and realizes that they have been freed from all the roles they were once assigned in the life? The employer (the life) has taken away all the ‘burden’ from them that they used to merrily avoid and keenly sought ‘freedom’ from. Be it studies, work, job, relations, anything, any role, any duty, any responsibility! What would it feel like, then? Would it still look like life, to them? No more employment, no more duties, no more entitlement. No blues, no hues. No more pain and…. what gain? Ya’ll would think it’s synonym to stillness. And that it is.

Let’s say, if not all the duties and responsibilities are lessened but some are relieved. And the wheels of cosmic laws turn accordingly, and a reduction in the qualification for a specific title or status ..occurs. Would that still look like same life to them…?
Or would not it look like a void under feet, like a quantum entity that just jumped down from a higher orbit to a lower one with lesser “buzz” of Life, Or the life devoid of color and vibrancy that makes em feel they are left behind in the Race. An imposed race.

But.. Why are we assuming all such horrific stuff and why not looking up to those who are “enjoying” life with way less responsibilities. Before assuming that, pause, think again. What is “less” without relevancy?! There is a simple “law” acting here, a universal one, that every other day, we are being taught by life. The Law of Responsibility:

Greater gifts bring greater reaponsibilities.
And;
Greater responsibility brings great many gifts.

The difference of these two, i.e.; gift minus responsibility, is called the “difficulty”.

As if the amount of fulfilled responsibility converts into well-deserved gifts and rewards. ANDDD the amount of avoided responsibility dissipates into a proportionate amount of “difficulty” – a ghostly presence, changing costumes, teaching the lesson, attacking from any direction until the ego or laziness or ignorance is surrendered, Lesson is learnt, changes are made, responsibilities fulfilled with lip-corners pulled up 🙂

Life is here to teach us that there is no “escape” tunnel leading to dreamlands. The way to Dreams and Passions is “through” the fulfillment of ordinary responsibilities. Not on the bypass track.
Tread wisely. Trade wisely. The routines you loathe are not your enemies. They are the keys to greater gifts, greater than your plans. The responsibilities you want to skip at the moment have surprises to offer you once you embrace them. Surprises in cloaks of day-to-day Sanity, sense of achievement, emotional stability, solid life sketch and an anchoring station. Yes, the freest of sailing boats need an anchor station to start afresh next day.

Betray these bliss-bearer, bitter-bits of life and float Aimless, Shapeless, Skyless. No fuss no buzz. And most of all… no trading corridor with Life, to exchange mistakes for lessons, trials for ease and expertise, struggle-shakiness for firmness of ambition! Responsibility “avoidance” is a loop of difficulty and you gotta avoid it.

So, how to pursue a dream within your already-sketched life? –>> By trading! Fulfill a little routine or duty and earn “ease” and a crease-free conscience. Then keep collecting these gems and trade them for as much time as you need for your own dream building. Life will eventually start throwing at you, gaps and flexibilities and tamed time-bits to fit your “enhanced” needs.

Try this. Feeling stuck with an idea? Do a pending chore laying around and see the magic. It may be as little a chore as setting your desk. Hopeless about your way to ambition-filled life? Try giving your sibling an assignment help they had asked for, long ago. And then forget you have done something at all for anyone. Cause, this, you have done for yourself. You have collected a tradable gem. Dont waste its reward by asking something in exchange. Keep collecting. One thing at a time, with patience. One responsibility fulfilled = one gem. Once your Day starts filling up with these gems, persistently, you’d be able to hand these over to life to make up for you. To do the magic.
Stay reaponsible. Stay magical.

Do I write? (Part 2)

……..
[Continued] “It’s not that being able to write is solely my self-proficiency. No way. It’s an absolute blessing, an utter bonanza from Up Above. 
But how did my paradigm shift….??”

……..

How did I convince the difident me to vent out? To communicate, to connect without the fear of worthlessness? To reach out without bothering about being unheard? Or not understood?

Though the journey began on its own with His blessing, indeed. But what I identify, now, as what was the threshold back then is one thing and that is “Acceptance”. 

Though, like numerous blessings that go ungrasped or unnoticed, my own acceptance wasn’t recognizable to me at that point. I did not know how He let me …. float free above the clouds of my confined thoughts and bathe in the showers of utterance. Through acceptance alone.

Acceptance may seem or sound easy. Like crossing an open door, like swimming in the direction of the flow, like inhaling a fragrance-so-pungent or like chattering with a bosom friend! 

Maybe, it is, for some! For those who had befriended “denial” for ages, it is not easy. For those, it is like the dawn of a miracle, a crack opening in the heavens, a hard-gained pinnacle that thus yields to a stepping stone to a whole new universe to explore. It causes swirls of swamping emotions of delight-and-nausea mixture and that too the size of nebulas. And the axis of rotation of this nebula is the weird doubt that “acceptance” is still the missing ingredient. 

It’s there! Poor soul! It’s there!

What I learned through all this: Multitudes of lessons! But the most important one being that God’s blessings are to be accepted first! To become wholeheartedly grateful for them and to ascend from the slumber of ingratitude and/or denial.

We all know this in our conscience. But seldom do we make an effort to open our hearts up to liberation. And rarely do we dare to seek and ask for the unfathomable, innumerable blessings that are already constellated in our very DNA. Sewn together seamlessly with our very Form. 

All we have to do is to revert to Self. All we have to do is to strew the seeking-seeds in the heart, everywhere. All we have to do is to embrace liberation. All we have to do is to not mistake “imprisonment” for “safekeeping”!

God bless all.

Do I write?

“….That, may be, this question is an horrific sign of self-doubt, self-suspicion, lack of confidence, humility, low self esteem or such n such.

That too, fortunately, isn’t true…..”

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“DO I write?” … is a question, I ask myself a lot. A lot. Sometimes, dozens of loads of “lots”. (Attempting at exaggeration and ending up looking dweeb. *sigh*) …..ummm… I wonder if the frequency of this self-inquiry has surpassed the top FAQ on my Insta writing account, i.e;

“DO you write all these** by yourself????”……. [**these write-ups, poetry/prose]

Hah! Of course I do. And that is the reason I put that holy watermark over there on those written eyefuls. (Who definitely raise a brow over this act of branding them. After all, it is a clear violation of their freedom rights!)

Well, Well.

By the way, “Nevermind” might seem the appropriate answer to that FAQ. But!! Only;

  1. If it makes me feel awkward or offended, or degraded… which, fortunately, it doesn’t! 
  2. If this squeaky clean inquiry had anything to do with my pet self scrutiny. That, it hasn’t!

So, in my humble view, it is just a light-hearted, innocent quest by some surprised but appreciating fellow beings. And sometimes just a way of communication. But the question here is… why I? Why do I ask this question from myself so oft that it bugs. ?

Now, before heading forwards, I casually want to hint at the notion one might deduce (genuinely) about this self dialogue. That, may be, this question is an horrific sign of self-doubt, self-suspicion, lack of confidence, humility, low self esteem or such n such.

That too, fortunately, isn’t true. Alhamdulillah. (Except for a teeny tiny bit of humility) (<pinch zoom in>: oh yeah, that bit!)

So, what I really ask myself is: “Do I really write? Am I writing? Is this really happening? What about that war against words or expression or verbosity? Where’d that gone? What about all those complaints harped on about words being roasted into clichès ..?? And treaded upon heartlessly by everyone like fallen, weary, aimlessly wandering leaves?? And where are those  vows to not waste mine ever on some inconsiderate, heedless ears n hearts.??

Turns out, it wasn’t the war against words or self expression, but against those who trample the word (any word) down as if they (the words) are worthless. And have no influence/power/magic at all. The blame didn’t belong to the manifestation but to people’s unmindful behavior.

It’s not that being able to write is solely my self-proficiency. No way. It’s an absolute blessing, an utter bonanza from Up Above. 

But how did my paradigm shift….?? 

…….

[To be continued] [part 1/2]

My First Utteration

 The window in my soul opened asudden. Now, the universe of words unveils itself ever so graciously to my humming mind.

” In the name of اللہ, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.

O LORD! Open my chest for me and make my task easy. Remove impediment from my speech so that they may understand what I say.” Ameen


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I, amongst all, could have least thought of creating a blog lest requested to do so.  That is, because for 30 years, I “assumed” that I am at war with the expression of self in any form. Say it be the result of a judgement-cluttered life; cons of living in a south Asian joint family system. Where opinions sprout in abundance everywhere, with every glare, with every stare. Least to mention that they are unnecessary 99 percent of the time.

Shy, introvert, recoiling at the very idea to be in a spotlight, no matter how faint… i grew up constrained in the walls of my own little world. But, dude, was it a constraint?? From outside, yes.  But on the inside, it was like a blackhole of passionate, curious and ardent learn-ade, sucking in all the available light of newness in the vicinity.

It was “home” to me!

Grows the inhabitant me up till the new year eve of 2017, and suddenly, few days before turning 31, brings the most astonishing vista to this hideout of my existence. Poetry!

Poetry it was, from whole of the anatomy of expression, chosen for me. Was I happy? Shocked and grateful, skeptical about the reality of it yet dancing with joy. I rushed to my husband to show him what I wrote, (yes I got married at 25, to a super skilled word wizard of Urdu and english writing) and he believed it to be real, unlike me. Because he believed in me.

What might have happened. What sort of tuning, I wonder. What sort of rewiring must have happened thence n there that I could write in the spur of a moment.  Now I can’t, Now I can.

The window in my soul opened asudden. Now, the universe of words unveils itself ever so graciously to my humming mind. I still have to figure it out, how!  (By Allah’s Grace, indeed) One prominent postualtion is that i absorbed inspiration from my husband’s talent over the years. And that is very likely!

I started sharing my poetry (and sometimes motivational prose) on my Instagram by borrowing photos from my brother’s gallery (lol). After all, Instagram is all visual aesthetics. And shortly I was surrounded by encouraging words from the very few word-grammers following my page.

This journey of inside exploration is still in its infancy, though. And i dont know for how long i would be able to continue.. But I would never ever wish to revert to being introvert. (God willing ۔انشااللہ). As with every writer out there, I believe, I have been given this gift solely to share it with the world. And why not. God is the greatest poet, they say.

I quickly set few unsaid and unwritten rules for myself. Like:

  • I will not use my writing to spread despair (God Willing)
  • I will write my words firstly addressed to myself than anyone.  Because I need them the most as reminders, correctors, salvage, rectifiers.
  • Honesty- I would resort to writing only what emerges from deep down there. What truly inspires and motivates me. No forced wordiness. No trend chasing.

Now, why I needed the platform of blogging.? Ummm, Instagram is like micro-blogging to me. I only present there, the finished, processed product. The genuine answer to the “why a blog” question would be … to find a place where all the behind the scenes mind processes, all the intimate self talks and all the burdens born while creating a piece of writing could be dumped. Also, to confide in the possibility of finding like minded writers who help themselves by spilling their hearts out and discovering how they are inspiring the world around them.

For me, writing is more than catharsis now. It’s a purpose bearer. But whoever can write and does write for whatever reason is blessed to have a window open in their soul. Window letting in fresh breeze of cosmic attunement. Here’s a recent poem.

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Tell me what do you write for? And how does it help you in life? Your feedback would be precious to have. Signing off now.

God bless your existence. ❤